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Writer's pictureThe Exhausted Pessimist

The story of my terrible, awful, no-good, really bad, absolutely miserable day

It all started out with me showcasing my wonderful athletic skills and smacking myself in the face. My manager at the local hardware store picked up a receipt from the floor, crumpled it and tossed it my way.


Not only did I swat it away instead of catching it, I somehow slapped my face and poked myself in the eye. The ball rolled back towards her feet. She chuckled and chucked it in the bin herself.


If only that was the end.


Oh no. That same day, while taking my only 30 minute lunch break, I thought I was being healthy by eating my carrot sticks. I took my first bite of my lunch and managed to inhale a carrot piece. I spent the next 5 minutes choking and the following 25 minutes afraid of my carrots.


Finally, I thought, I get to go home. I packed my bag and bee-lined it out of the store. Head down as to not attract the attention of customers. I only lived about 3 minutes from work and was walking up the hill towards my house. A lady was approaching me smoking her cigarette. I figured I'd cross the street to avoid the cloud of smoke hovering around her. But alas, traffic.


We continued to walk towards each other until I thought there was a break in the cars. I turned quickly to look behind me and as my arm swung with me it collided with the other lady's arm. I turned my head back in time to see her cigarette arc out of her hand and land in the street. I apologized, but was quickly informed it was her last one. I apologized again and ran across the road to avoid any further conversation. Luckily, I didn't get hit by any cars, but I did trip up the curb and onto the stone wall where a bashed my knee and fell on my face.


Embarrassed, I scurried home and stayed there in an effort to avoid any other casualties.



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